Poorly Written Memo --

The memo reprinted below is ineffective because it is condescending. It “talks down” to the reader as if she (the company president) were an idiot. It also has vague and sexist language. The errors highlighted and explanations follow in red:

TO:              Anita Chan , President

FROM:          Steve Saiki , Management Information System Manager

DATE:           22 December 20XX                                    

SUBJECT:     E-mail write a more descriptive subject line, allowing the reader to easily determine the topic        

Introduction

Pursuant to your request, this memo is on writing good business email messages which will make you an effective business writer. this intro is stuffy ("pursuant") and insulting ("this memo will make you effective, implying Ms. Chan isn't effective now!)
 

Tips for Writing Business Email the following is a list of advice and instructions. The memo report is NOT the correct document to give advice. All imperatives and "you" pronouns are highlighted in yellow.
So that you don’t lose business, follow these guidelines when writing to customers and coworkers:

• Answer your mail promptly. Don’t be rude by not replying quickly this insults Ms. Chan, implying that she is rude and doesn't answer her mail, and that she's so dumb, a subordinate has to correct her! This list contains insult after insult.
• Keep to the point. When you write big blocks of "chatty" text, you waste your reader’s time 
• Correct your typos and spelling mistakes immediately. Don't be sloppy and careless.
• If you use a browser-based mail program, never send email in HTML format.
• Keep lines short. Don't make people scroll from left to right to read your messages.
• Nobody should ever have to ask you for your URL by email. If you have a URL, put it in your signature. You must be professional. this is the biggest insult of all. Here the writer, a subordinate, is warning the president to be professional, clearly implying she's isn't professional now.

Conclusion

Email is so easy to access that even a child can teach you how to do it. the insult here is that even a child is smarter than the company president. These tips will help you in today’s business for marketing research and promoting your products. implies that she needs help  If there are not friendly any questions,  you may reach me sounds like granting a favor by telephone or please feel free empty phrase to contact me by email how? What's the phone number or email address?

Rewritten Memo --

The rewritten memo (below) avoids the condescending, insulting tone of the original. Instead of telling the reader what to do, this memo gives information. Instead of implying that the reader is incompetent, this memo gives news.

TO:              Anita Chan , President

FROM:          Steve Saiki , Management Information System Manager

DATE:           22 December 20XX                                    

SUBJECT:     Writing Effective E-mail Messages      

Introduction 
As you requested, I have compiled some necessary guidelines on writing e-mail messages. These principles will help our office present more consistent, professional-looking e-mail.

Tips for writing business e-mail
Effective business writers follow these guidelines:

• Answer mail promptly
• Keep to the point and avoid big blocks of "chatty" text that waste the reader’s time
• Eliminate typos and spelling mistakes that label us as sloppy and careless
• Preserve format by sending e-mail as plain text and not as HTML in browser-based mail programs
• Keep line length short to avoid scrolling from left to right to read messages
• End the message with a signature block consisting of name, title, extension number and URL

Conclusion 
E-mail has become an essential tool for our office correspondence; unfortunately, standard usage guidelines have not been circulated. Following these tips can help us all represent XYC, Inc. more professionally.  If you have any questions,  please call me at ext. 123 or e-mail me at go@hawaii.edu.      

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